That’s not saying there’s anything wrong with masturbation or that Republicans, Trumpers, authoritarians, and fascists masturbate more than Democrats, progressives, liberals, etc. But what if Isis, Boko Haram, and Boogaloo Bois are a sex education problem?
It is common in right wing media to hear liberalism referred to a mental disorder. The ‘sex on the wrong brain’ theory suggests liberalism, conservatism, authoritarianism, etc., are just parts of a normalized paradigm-sized wide-spectrum mental disorder caused by right handed masturbation.
Trump wants to make the COVID pandemic worse. Did someone like his old friend Roy Cohn, or Putin, tell him the secret of authoritarian power?
Conservatism, authoritarianism, fascism
In a well-known 2003 study, “Political Conservatism As Motivated Social Cognition”, avoidance of uncertainty is recognized as a defining characteristic of authoritarianism. Authoritarianism is sometimes measured with the Uncertainty Avoidance Index.
SOWB
The theory has probably been around a few decades and suggests that due to brain laterality, right handed masturbation effects the brain differently than left handed masturbation.
Over millions of years differences that increased survivability, however slight, were compounded and resulted in right handed dominance (from about 50-50 to about 90% 100,000 years ago) and heritable predispositions for greed and the Certainty Deficit Disorder (CDD), which can increase fear, ignorance, misogyny, racism, and authoritarianism (see table above).
Sowb suggests descendants of ‘Old World’ populations may be more susceptible to greed, bigotry, misogyny, and authoritarianism than descendants of ‘New World’ populations. One reason — ‘Old World’ populations began to delay the age of reproduction sooner.
The sowb theory suggests that while 90% of us, especially males, are more likely to learn sex with the wrong hand (easily fixed with sex education) high levels of sowb are a relatively recent problem in our evolution and that it is not ‘human nature’. Our brains evolved in natural environments surrounded by uncertainty. Uncertainty was normal. Cooperation was normal. For the most part our ancestors evolved (‘human nature’ and the human brain) for millions of years in small populations without the systematic sexual repression used so much in the last few thousand years to cultivate authoritarian societies.
The human brain on sowb
In order to jump past years of study and research that may never be done a book of the same name by Ard Falten integrates major symptoms and implications of sex on the wrong brain into a science fiction comedy adventure with a Trump-like president. In the story, sex on the wrong brain was caused by an ancient alien design flaw. Humans got a divided brain and two hands but only one sexual organ.
What could go wrong?
In the story the mental disorder is explained with a statuette of a horny stallion with an oversized erection and a simplified cartoon version of human brain divided by a wall and a gate. Right handed masturbation sends herds of horny stallions into the rocky canyons of the left brain hemisphere instead of the lush green pastures of the right hemisphere. The left hemisphere likes their energy and may raise the wall and close the gate to trap them where they cannot satisfy their ultimate need for the closure and finality of orgasm waiting for them on the right side.
As the brain perceives and reacts to an infinitely complicated and uncertain universe the frustrated stallions become anxious and afraid and may stampede. The left hemisphere learns to reduce the uncertainty that scares the stallions by simplifying the universe to dualities and absolutes and creating certainty with premature conclusions and quick easy answers. When it opens the gates to the starved creative right hemisphere to help it rationalize the denial and lies some of the stallions escape and can finally have their way in the pleasure centers.
Fear and chaos elevate certainty over truth
Authoritarian social structures facilitate and cultivate thought patterns that reward certainty over truth. As described above, it feels good when authoritarian followers rationalize and accept the lies and certitude of their leaders.
Whether by design (the secret of authoritarian power), incompetence, or insanity, authoritarian leaders like Trump create chaos, disorder, and uncertainty because it amplifies and highlights their royal certitude and increases the appeal of the comfort and security their sowb followers get from it.
For authoritarians the short term certainty of completely denying COVID and global warming is preferable to confronting the complicated (frightening) array of uncertainties and unpredictabilities those challenges represent.
It benefits Trump/Republican leadership and Putin for COVID to increase levels of fear and chaos. Is that why Trump’s strategy from the beginning was to ignore it? It doesn’t help that we’re also experiencing a pandemic increase in wrong handed masturbation.
His followers love his very bad case of sowb
Trump himself exhibits two major sowb symptoms in extreme form — greed and the certainty deficit disorder.
Trump may have a dominant ‘sowb gene’ which amplifies the problem. Maybe he inherited a defective right brain hemisphere. He may have a strong sex drive and probably grew up with lots of privacy and his own room. A junior version of Trump may have never had any normal relationship with the opposite sex. As he got older opportunity for ‘real’ sex may have been limited to paying for it and forcibly taking it. The King Donald fantasy continued because his wealth insulated him from reality.
In the parts of the brain used for numbers, measurement, and quantification the stallions want more, bigger faster. The greed is clear. He objectifies women and measures beauty on a scale of 1-10.
His CDD is off the charts.
Trump’s aversion to the complicated, unexplained, ambiguous, unpredictable, infinite, or different stimulates constant anxiety and fear and to survive he has learned to deny reality and simplify this frightening world to binaries and absolutes he can use to feel certain.
Every time he enlists the aid of his starved underused right brain to rationalize his irrational certitude his ‘pleasure centers’ get a shot of horny stallions, so to speak, so lying and being stupid feels good.
Like other authoritarian leaders, Trump eliminates the uncertainties and complications that make his right handed followers anxious and afraid and helps them create certainty by simplifying, categorizing, and judging. Trump describes the world in black and white. He’s always right and never wrong. You’re on one side of the wall or the other. Winner or loser. Friend or enemy. Fantastic or horrible. Anything in between or anything he doesn’t like must be denied, ignored, or destroyed. Complicated problems are ignored or reduced to simplified monetary/numerical opportunities for his greed.
Abusing a woman or screaming at an employee is a way to trigger seldom used emotions, which also opens the gate to the pleasure centers.
Summary: sex on the wrong brain
- Due to brain function laterality right handed masturbation can associate reproductive urges with brain functions that are better served with patience and objectivity. Emotion and orgasm are associated strongly with the right hemisphere but the right hand is connected to and controlled by the left hemisphere.
- There are two main categories of sowb symptoms: A) When parts of the brain involved in measurement, comparison, and quantification are fueled by/associate with reproductive urges for more, bigger, faster it can increase greed, objectification and materialism, and stimulate unregulated capitalism, for instance. B) When impatient satisfaction-demanding reproductive urges increase the desire for finality and closure (orgasm equivalence) in normal thought processes they can amplify harmless sources of uncertainty (unpredictability, ambiguity, complexity, diversity, nature) into anxiety and fear, resulting in a Certainty Deficit Disorder (CDD). See table above for CDD implications.
- In times of conflict and scarcity in human evolution sowb symptoms like greed, fear, and suspicion won over cooperation, tolerance, and curiosity. Over millions of years (along with other inherited characteristics) humans evolved from about 50% right or left handed to 90% right handed (about 100,000 years ago).
- Sowb accelerated a few thousand years ago as population densities increased and humans began to delay the age of reproduction more aggressively.
- Humans, particularly from older longer-lasting civilizations, may have inherited brain structure and functional characteristics that make them susceptible to general or particular sowb symptoms that were preferred in their past generations. That differential with respect to acceptance vs avoidance of uncertainty contributes to intolerance, bigotry, misogyny, and racism. ‘Old World’ Columbus encountering ‘New World’ natives and Europeans colonizing Africa are examples of high sowb meeting low sowb.
- Anatomical and mechanical differences re masturbation mean men generally have more sowb than women. That high sowb/low sowb differential may cause males to see females as a source of uncertainty needing to be controlled and may be a major contributor to misogyny and patriarchy. The book suggests a vibrator held in the right hand may ‘complicate’ things….
- Authoritarian societies/value structures use sowb-induced anxiety and fear to promote certainty over truth and cultivate thought patterns that redirect ‘sex energy’ to reward denial and lying and help rationalize the acceptance of artificial certainty created with absolutism, simplification, order, control, conformity, dogma, etc.
- Frequency of masturbation is not the dominant factor in determining levels of sowb. While susceptibility to particular sowb symptoms may be inherited, the most important factor determining high individual levels of sowb is probably early age establishment of sowb-friendly brain circuitry — left brain dominance and lack of right brain use, environmental factors (pressure to conform and accept dogma, etc.), sexual repression (association of sex with factors such as fear, punishment, guilt, etc).
- Once established, sowb brain circuitry can last a lifetime and may increase with age.
- Democratic forms of organization developed primarily to regulate/limit major sowb symptoms.