I got engaged about 3 months ago to a wonderful man that I’ve been with for about 4 years. We own a house and two kitties together. We were planning on getting married after I finish college, which should about a year from now. We have been saving money to pay for the wedding, which was going to be on a beach in Jamaica – basically, we were planning on getting married on our honeymoon.
About 2 months ago, I developed a very severe nerve pain. It started out as a painful burning sensation on my arms. It literally felt like I had third degree burns. If anything touched it, even the slightest brush, I was crying out in pain. It’s one of the odd sensations I’ve ever felt. There was nothing on my skin and no injury to explain what this feeling was. The best way I can describe it is that my skin hurt, a lot.
The pain has changed in the past month, actually, it changes every day. Mostly now, my fingers and wrists hurt constantly, in addition to having unpredictable stabbing pains throughout my legs, arms, feet and hands. The pain can be dull and achy or severe to where it actually feels like I’m being stabbed. I also have weakness in my hands. I can’t make a fist or grip things tightly – which makes everyday tasks challenging, like driving, writing, and even open the pill bottle to take my medication.
My fiancé’s mom is a nurse and she has unofficially diagnosed me with Peripheral Neuropathy, which causes pain, numbness, tingling and burning sensations in the limbs. It’s caused by damage to a nerve path, like the herniated disc I have in my back.
I’m in college studying to be a computer programmer and IT professional. If I can’t use my hands, I might as well just quit now. It’s pretty devastating to think about. It’s taken me almost 2 hours to type this diary and I can used to be able to type about 70 words a minute with amazing accuracy. I'm having a real hard time accepting a physical limitations.
More of my sob story below the fold...
First, I saw my general care doctor, he was clueless. He referred me to a neurologist, who was also clueless, but recommended that I get an MRI so they could rule some conditions out, like MS and Fibromyalgia.
I scheduled my MRI but two days before my appointment, I was notified by the hospital that my insurance denied the MRI coverage. Finally, through a series of phone calls, I discovered that they are demanding that I get a series of blood tests and some physical tests to determine if the MRI is “medically necessary”.
I have private medical insurance, so does my fiancé. We each have it offered through our respective employers. I have United Healthcare and he has Medical Mutual. My premiums are substantially higher and my coverage is much more limited than his, leaving me with a lot of out-of-pocket costs that I, frankly, cannot afford right now.
My dilemma is this: My job is not that stable, but my fiancé’s job is. If I follow through with the blood tests and physical tests my insurance wants, get the MRI and then get diagnosed – then I will have a pre-existing condition if I had to change jobs and/or insurance companies. I poured over his insurance policy last week and his policy is “grand-fathered” from before the ACA was passed, so they still have the ability to deny people with pre-existing conditions. So as of right now, I’m hesitating to go any further since I’m not sure that being diagnosed right now is the best move, but in the same breath, I'm in almost constant pain.
So now, I’m stuck. Going onto his insurance seems like the logical thing to do since his job is more stable, the premiums are lower and out-of-pocket expenses would be significantly lower. The catch is that his insurance does not recognize partnerships, civil unions or common law marriage – traditional marriage is the only option.
Now we’ve been considering just going down to the court house next week and getting married so I can jump onto his policy and get the treatment I need. But obviously this means our dream wedding plans are being thrown out the window, for practical, logical, financial reasons – not so romantic and totally not what I envisioned my wedding day being like.
So now, not only am I depressed that I have this nerve disorder that will like affect the rest of my life and my ability to work to my full potential, I’m also getting my dream wedding ruined by practicality, all the romance and enthusiasm sucked out of it, all in the name of health care. This is a real bummer.
I feel like the whole romantic experience of my first wedding, that every girl dreams about, is being stolen from me. There is just something completely unfair about this situation.
What do you think I should do? Follow my heart by holding out for my dream wedding or follow my brain by doing the practical, completely unromantic thing?